Invisible Line

Being scared is a tough thing to deal with. It’s frustrating to be afraid of something! And, trust me, there are many things to be scared of in this big world! I mean, you can be scared of clowns, heights, darkness, storms, trusting people, dogs, or needles! A perfectly wonderful day can be completely reversed when you have to face something you fear. 

But what if you’re afraid of something invisible? 

I, personally, am terrified of “the line”. The “line” that marks the place where someone gives up on you and walks away is one of my biggest fears. The scariest part is that I have no idea where this line is and I have no idea when I’ll cross it. In my relationships with family and friends, this invisible line is such a strain and tension because it’s so easy to believe that it exists. I have no trouble believing that one day a close friend will finally become fed up with my struggles and the “line” will be crossed; I’ll watch that person give up on me and walk away. During moments of calm and communion with God, I can see that this isn’t always true. But what is truly surprising is how often this belief wiggles its way into my relationship with Him.

Weeks like the past two for me have pushed me to my limit and then some. It is only by God’s grace that I haven’t collapsed spiritually… although I have been physically down and out! *sniff* I become so fearful and needy when I face trials and my heart tells me that at some point God is just going to get fed up with me. I mean, what human would continue to be patient with my weakness and fear? What human wouldn’t expect me to pull it together and finally be strong enough to stand on my own?! 

I came to God this morning with these questions in my heart and a desperate cry for freedom from this obsession of “crossing the line” with Him. I read in Ps. 37: 17-18, 24 “… but the Lord upholdeth the righteous. The Lord knoweth the days of the upright…Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholdest Him with His hand.”

He knows what every day will hold and He understands the intensity of every trial I will face. He promises to be with me every single second and He will hold me up. He also knows that I will fall, but He promises to forgive me and restore me when I do. I want to live according to His Truth and His Light. It is such a comfort to know that He doesn’t give up on me when I struggle and that with Him, there is NO invisible line. I will never reach the point with God where He throws His hands up and walks away. No matter what, He will never leave. 

Now, as for being scared of clowns…