A "Gotta Have Control" kind of gal

Growing up as the eldest child in a large family, one quickly learns that delegation is the key to success. Though often misinterpreted as being “bossy”, dominating the skill of delegation is an art that requires much practice. (and I personally feel is not appropriately appreciated!!) :) When we were younger, my mom would often leave the room with the words, “I want this room clean before I get back.” Translation: Sarah better tell all the siblings what to do or else nothing would get done! When it came to the tasks of throwing blocks in a bucket or picking up stuffed animals, I could rest easy that the job could be done by Andrew or Abbey. However, when it came to the finer tasks of organizing the books according to height or sweeping every corner of the room, I found that if I wanted it done right I had to do it myself! (note to self: never trust Justin with any tasks that require organization)

It’s easier to trust ourselves to do a job rather than to trust someone else, no? Lately, I’ve found I have been trusting myself in a certain area of my life rather than trusting God. Life just seems easier when I feel like I’m in control!  Yet God so clearly says to commit my way to Him. He wants me to roll over on Him all my worries and fears about this one specific area of life. (my “way”) He wants me to leave it to Him and rest easy. I’ve tried to justify fears under the pretense of being “being realistic” or “being careful”. But… they’re still fears. 

As long as my hands are so busy working to control and manage that “area” of my life, they are too busy to hold His hand. As long as my hands are clutching that “area”, they are too full to hold His hands. And if my hands are full and busy, I’m too occupied to notice Him. He wants me to hand over that “area” that is so precious to me. And with my hands now free, He wants me to hold His hands tightly throughout the day. 

If there is one drawback to being the eldest child, it’s that I’m used to being in control! As I’m learning, I’m not in control of life… God is. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going on a picnic with my little sisters. (and Mandie may pack the basket however she likes. I will not tell her how to do anything. I will try to not tell her how to do anything.) :)

A Tuesday Afternoon Angel

Sometimes I am at a loss for words. Today, once again, I found myself plunged into overwhelming stillness at the way God works. 

I’m not very strong and that is no secret. I’m no superhero; I am very weak. I do not pretend to be anything but. Yet I find myself in a position where I feel I must be strong, I must demonstrate superhero qualities, and I must work to be as un-weak as possible. I’m going to teach in a Christian school by faith. Literally, I have no idea how the Lord will provide! My faith has been tested sorely. I am three months out and I’ve only had two people come alongside me and offer their support. If God doesn’t provide, I can’t make it! 

Vicious doubts, like angry bees, swarmed and caused me to fear. I cried out to my God, “Please! Show me! Please prove to me that You love me enough to care for me! You’ve called me, am I now to be left alone?” Days went by. I could feel my spirit churning and I knew the unsettled feeling of relying on myself. 

Walking parallel to my inner struggle was the outward frustrations of an iPod that was malfunctioning and the dilemma of finding a phone to use in Peru. (trivial disturbances in comparison to my brother's upcoming surgery, trying to find tickets back to Peru, etc) My dad and I were gathering information about different options, knowing full well that the money wasn’t readily available to replace an iPod or buy a phone. 

Consider all thus far as the introduction to the short story I will now share. Today, my dad and I met with a man named Tim in a commercial parking lot. Tim asked questions about our ministry, for my dad mentioned we were missionaries. After a few moments, he told us that God had instructed him to give us an iPhone. He also said God wanted us to trust Him with our finances. Tim asked if he could pray for us. I cried as he asked God to strengthen our hearts and to heal Abbey of her autoimmune disease. We never once told him about Abbey’s illness. I have no doubt he was God-sent.

My friends, God can be trusted. Though this might seem silly to you, it was the miracle my heart has been thirsting for. Though I’m weak, He loves me. Everything I’ve ever longed to see is written on His face.

Forget Not

“Forget not at all His benefits”

The girl is young, but the determination on her face speaks of a heart of strength. With force, she drives her plastic shovel into the sand and scoop by scoop creates a hollow cavity. The sand mound grows as the clock ticks along. Her efforts are soon rewarded and she jumps to her feet, rejoicing, “I’ve found water! I’ve found water!”

How alike we are to this child. We enjoy the Water of Life only as our efforts permit. We sweat in the sun, ache with the labor, and are furious with the sand that topples back into our hard-earned hole. We say we must earn the benefits. Sure, we’re saved but why else did He give us a shovel and sand? We labor for our peace. Fight for perfection. Ache to know joy. We long without truly being satisfied. 

Silly children we are! If we would just lay our plastic shovel down and turn our focus away from our efforts, we would find the ocean rolling behind us. Deep, without measure, powerful and beautiful, the ocean calls. Why dabble in our measly endeavors when this great body of water is available to us? In our small "pond" we might dip our toes in the water; in His ocean, we can drench ourselves completely! He gives us all His benefits. (Not just the ones you feel you’ve earned!) Let’s not forget them!

No real reason

Story book colors. Shivers in chilly wind. Delightful crunchable leaves. Smiles accompanying the bonfire. Fall. It sure is a wonderful time of year! Observing this season has been refreshing. The leaves have really stuck with me. I mean, how can you ignore them? The bright colors demand an audience. Their graceful dance through the wind  is mesmerizing. The light brown pile they form simply begs for young feet to scatter them with joy. The leaves are wonderful.

In our day of budget trimming and program cutting, I'm afraid that leaves wouldn't have a promising future. We cannot eat them, we cannot use them to make clothing, and once plucked from the tree they do not retain their color. Especially in fall, it would seems that leaves are frivolously used! They change into a breath-taking assortment of colors only for a short time! Then they fall on the ground... and are done! We don't see anyone rushing around to recycle leaves. God does not re-use them come spring time! Yes, at the end of my deep thoughts and analyzing process, leaves are not vital to humanity.

Aren't you glad I don't run this universe! It would be a very practical, dull, and simple place for sure! Our God is lavish with His love, extravagant with His beauty, and endless with His mercy. In some ways, we should do away with the practical approach to life! Must we all have a solid reason to show love to the cashier? Must we have an outline as to why we should become involved in missions? Must we have concrete proof that God is calling us to forgive that person? Are there some things we could simply  because we are created by God... without any real reason? I do think I would like to have a life that is a little more... leafy!

Moved With Compassion

Perched on a tall stool in the kitchen, I flipped through the TV as I ate my nutritious bowl of cereal. I paused on a channel when a picture of a sickly, emaciated child flashed across the screen. The scene transitioned quickly to a beautiful blonde who urged all viewers to help provide these children with clean water to help them live healthy lives. My heart twisted as the child once again was shown. The camera zoomed in on his tear-streaked face. His big eyes seemed so hollow. I didn’t know his name, but my heart hurt for that little boy.

My mind went back to that moment when I read this verse in my quiet time: Mat 9:36  “But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.” Why did I feel so deeply for that child? Why does the need for medicine, food, clothing, shelter, and physical safety affect the heart of Christians and non-Christians alike? How is it that we can feel emotions so powerful that they propel us to call that number on the screen, take a missions trip, or donate shoes to needy children? Somehow the needs that are showcased on TV or through a presentation tap into something deep in us that requires a sacrificial action. 

As I read the Bible, I am convicted of the command God gave to me to reach the lost. I am commanded to reach the world, along with every child of the King. I am willing to obey, but how can I, like Jesus, look on people with compassion? How do I see what He sees? Americans confuse me. I’m just being really honest here. I look at their shiny cars, 40-something plans, 8-5 work schedule, traffic and vacations… and I’m baffled. They don’t seem to need Jesus at all. Yet whether it is Peruvians or Americans, I want to see what Jesus sees. I want to be moved with compassion. When asked what he saw as he looked out a window, D.L. Moody replied, “I see countless thousands of souls that will one day spend eternity in hell if they do not find the Savior.” How do I grasp that passion? How does that part of Jesus become a part of me?

A very simple and maybe overly easy answer I’ve come to is this: we are moved with compassion when we see someone lacking something that we are convinced is essential to life. I hurt for those without proper medical care. I cry for my girls in Peru that are beat at home. I will gladly give food to the homeless woman on the corner. Medicine, safety, and food are things I consider to be essential for living. What about the soul that does not have Jesus?

Duck for cover!

To have something valuable that changes the quality of your life is great… if you use it! Yet to have something that is valuable and not avail yourself to it is like not having it at all! I was reminded of this in my quiet time this morning. Ps. 61:3: “For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.” I am not a fan of storms. At all. Ever. I HATE storms! I hate thunder and hail and dark clouds and loud wind!!!!! Whew. Feels good to get that out! 

If there is a place where I can go to be safe and dry from the storm, yet I choose to not enter that refuge, I will get drenched! (and hit by lightening!) Just because I choose to NOT hide in that refuge doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It doesn’t mean it isn’t enough to keep me safe… I will end up wet and cold because I didn’t go where safety and protection was offered. 

Lunch time today found me quite frustrated and overwhelmed. It was then that the Lord reminded me that He wants to be my Refuge and Strong Tower! It is up to me, though. He won’t force me to hide from my enemies. He won’t force me to find safety and peace in Him. But if I will submit to Him and obey, He becomes my Shelter and my Strong Tower. 

Beyond being simply valuable… God’s presence is amazing! His power is life-changing. His provision is humbling. Yet, to have something valuable and life-altering and not avail yourself to it is like not having it at all. God was my Shelter and Strong Tower today. I prayed for His help and the Holy Spirit quickly reminded me of verses I needed. I obeyed what His Word said and I was refreshed. And my enemy, well he had to flee. :)

Siendo La Luna

Esta semana me quede bien impresionada con la luna tan brillante. Viendo como alumbraba la noche con su belleza y dignidad, yo solo podía glorificar a Dios por Su creación tan maravillosa. Mientras manejaba a casa una noche oscura, me puse a pensar en el “trabajo” de la luna. Si lo piensas bien, honestamente, ¡la luna no hace mucho! Esta allí colgada en el cielo, y lo único que tiene que lograr cada noche es reflejar la luz del sol. ¡Nada más que eso! No tiene que trabajar para producir su propia luz. No tiene que ir a buscar la luz… solo tiene que reflejar lo que el sol le da. 

Yo creo que mi propósito en este mundo es de reflejar a Dios. Yo no soy capaz de crear mi propia justicia igual como la luna no es capaz de producir su propia luz. Y como la luna depende del sol, yo confié en Dios para mi salvación y miro a Él para guiarme cada día. Yo tengo como mi meta en la vida: representar a Dios a los demás. Hay muchos días que fallo y me equivoco mucho… pero sigo intentando. 

Igual como la luna solo refleja el sol, yo debo reflejar únicamente a Dios. Piénsalo así… si Dios está en control siempre, y yo esto reflejando Su Verdad, entonces yo debo tener paz y gozo… no preocupación y temor. Si Dios me hizo tal como soy, y estoy reflejando Su Verdad, entonces yo debo estar contenta con mi apariencia y confiada en Su plan. Pero, siendo honesta, hay veces que yo no reflejo a Dios. Si no, yo veo a mi alrededor, y reflejo lo que veo allí. Si me falta dinero, me preocupo y me desespero. Si un amigo(a) me maltrata, me deprimo o me pongo molesta. ¿Ves lo que te digo? En vez de reflejar a Dios y Su verdad en esas situaciones yo estoy reflejando lo que veo alrededor mío. 

La luna no tiene opción. Para brillar en la noche, si o si tiene que reflejar el sol. Pero tú y yo si tenemos opción. ¿A Quien vas a reflejar con tu vida?